Arranged Marriages – Part 1

80% to 90% of Indian marriages are arranged. Only 1 in 100 gets separated. (only legally, because the emotional earthquake between the couple would have happened much before the divorce ). These are the results of two separate surveys by the Taj group of hotels and an international research agency.
So, marriage is one thing we Indians are successful at, after having failed in most of the other fields in today’s world.

A matured and inquisitive mind always starts to “google” on the reasons for any success (all of us have stopped “thinking” since internet came. We now only google or wiki and pretend we are great thinkers!) . Finding the reasons for the success of the arranged marriage leads us naturally to the methods used for the success.

Now, here starts the most organized and also the most chaotic part. The basic and an uncompromising ingredient in arranged marriages are that it should be a closely knit family affair (oops sorry…to use the word “affair” in arranged marriage). It is strictly within the family and caste, more like an Italian Mafia cartel.

The papa/appa/daddy of the house has been scanning for a prospective groom among the relatives, since the daughter joined a job. But the mother of the girl is cleverer and far sighted, as always. She would insist on the daughter to wear a saree and accompany her to all the family functions, since the daughter turned eighteen. This strategy is called Product Placement and Network Marketing, in management language!

 The daughter is using her own radar and scanner for a prospective man in her life, at her college and office. It is a Sherlock Holmes mystery, of the fact that the daughter is also in the hunt will never cross the minds of her parents. Or, maybe all the family members know about everyone’s individual hunting expeditions, but turn a blind eye.

Each hunter assumes that finally it is his/her prey that would be appeasing and appealing to all.

The first wicket to go down is that of the daughter’s choice of her own man. After a few crushed crushes, trampled trusts, meeting and dating men who are silly, stupid and primarily unfaithful, the daughter realizes that it is safer to have an ‘Arranged Damage ’ to her life than risking her own choice.

 

 

After a few discussions, a hit-list of the prospective grooms are made, and an approach is made to the boy’s family. The boy’s family requests time for the horoscopes to be matched and here starts the Indian Comedy Circus, in its endless episodes.

In between all these background events, is the entry of the star and the hero of the show – The Indian Groom. There are usually only three kinds of Indian men. The first sets of men behave like drunken monkeys with ants in their pants. This set is beyond any change or makeover, and they are the best examples for us to know that Man did originate from the Apes!

The second set are – Academic and workaholic nerds who are rich, but with a boring lifestyle and an insensitive, unromantic character.

The next is a very commonly found third set of men, who are very good and perfect – responsible, no demands and tantrums, helpful, loving and a good listener. But the only problem with this third set is – after marriage, this third set will listen to only one person, either the mother or the wife, and never take an independent decision based on merit and sense. This third set should soon be taken to an orthopedic, because what this third set of men lack is a Spine! 

Irrespective of which of the above set a man belongs to, every man has had multiple marriages mentally since he attained adolescence. Since a man is more agile than a woman, he moves effortlessly from one fling to another.

 

 

After enough bits and bites of dating, the Indian man will realize that if he could not get a Priyanka Chopra on his own, his parents will at least find him a Mary Kom!

For those who have found the perfect love in their lives, there is a big problem. It is the big F word – Family. The two families meet each other with the sole intent to break the relationship of the couple.

The most flexible father suddenly develops an ego that is the size of the biceps of Salman Khan. The ever quiet brother screams at the top of his voice like Sunny Deol (though he listens every night only to the screams of Sunny Leone). The mother finishes the killing, by turning into a beauty contest judge and disqualifying the girl, on looks and personality.

Finally, the arranged marriage process begins with the matching of horoscopes. 

( To be Continued..)